The betrothed and I haven’t spent much time apart in the past year. Suddenly two months ago we were both surprised with a lot of (involuntary) travel. Which also meant many times and time zones apart. And let me tell you, I don’t like it. He says he is dealing with it better, but I suspect he is just putting on a brave face.
As I was sitting in the Admiral’s Club in Chicago’s O’Hare airport, I was thinking about why it seems so much harder for women than for men to leave the known behind and spend a few days or weeks without the safety net of home.
The betrothed recently traveled to a place 14 hours away and while we were in touch most of the time during his transit, once he got there, he was happy to embrace his freedom - while I was pining for communication. When I travel, it is the exact opposite. I know my partner’s timezone, I develop a feeling for when he gets up and when he goes to sleep and I usually track his flights on my phone.
The betrothed finds this strange. He claims that before me, as a longtime bachelor, when he would leave friends after a longer stay, they never demanded that he check in with them when he landed. Me on the other hand I would demand the same from girlfriends and vice versa.
I have absolutely no doubt in his ability to commit and his love but these things do shake things up a bit. The question of attachment versus commitment comes up and in a quest to distinguish the two and distance myself from any overbearing behaviour, I googled the terms.
Attachment was defined as “the emotional bond that typically forms between infant and caregiver, usually a parent, not only stimulates brain growth but affects personality development and lifelong ability to form stable relationships (Psychology Today) whereas Commitment was slightly harder to define. It was referred to as a pledge or promise or obligation.
Can I therefore assume that for women - the nurturing gender - attachment is a form of love and a bond which they can have with their partners as well as an infant? And does this love stimulate their brain expansion? Does it mean that commitment as an obligation for the male counterpart has less of a romantic connotation? Which one is it that creates the above-mentioned disparities?
I think both sentiments are important to create a well rounded relationship. I also know while the betrothed may be more detached when far away, his commitment is unwavering.
Knowing this increases my attachment and I’m looking forward to sealing it with a kiss next year.